For those of you who think drinking less = better work ...

Important Fact No. 2301.... [Ref:C827911]

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest cells first. In this way, regular consumption of alcohol eliminates the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

The results of this in-depth epidemiological study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties, and the achievement of excellence in all disciplines. It also explains why, after a few short years after leaving university and getting married, most workers cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few who stick to the strict regime of voracious alcohol consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieved intheir college years.

Thus, if you feel that you are losing your competitive and technological edge, do not sit and shudder at home - get back into the pub. Your company needs you to be at your peak, and you should not deny yourself the sparkling career that you deserve!